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Helping Yourself

Safety Planning in advance can help you to think about how you can increase your safety either within the relationship or if you decide to leave.

You can’t stop your partners violence or abuse - only they can do that. However you can do some things to increase your own and your children’s safety. You will probably be doing some of the things already to keep yourself safe.

​Support and advice is available for anyone;

Sometimes abusers will increase their violence and control if they suspect you are thinking of leaving, and will continue to do so after you have left.  This can be a particularly dangerous time for you - it is important to plan this well.  It is important you understand that ending the relationship does not always mean the immediate end of the abuse.

It is good to plan mentally how you might respond to different situations - including a crisis situation when you may need to get out.  Take your time to think through Safety Planning and if you want any help with your plan and/or your options there is plenty of support available.

If it is not a crisis and you are planning to leave always remember:

Before planning anything it is advisable to talk to Support Workers on numbers below to help before a crisis.

Carry a list of relevant phone numbers to call in an emergency, for example friends, family, Police, Solicitor, Women's Aid.

Numbers can easily be forgotten in a crisis.

Police - 999
Police Domestic Violence Unit - 721224/5
Womens Aid - 575757

(Emergency reverse charges accepted) 
Email: support@womensaidnel.org

Pre-planning Suggestions

Other items you might want to pack:

(Packing items may not be possible if you leave in an emergency)

What if you don’t have time to plan/pack?

Do not worry if you have not had time to plan - help is available no matter what you remember to pack or even if you do not have time to pack at all - things can be sorted after the crisis.

If you suspect that your partner is about to attack you

Try to work your way towards safer rooms in the house where you have access to a phone or so you are near a door. Avoid rooms like kitchen or garage where there may be easier access to knives/weapons. Avoid places where you might get trapped - upstairs rooms, bathrooms, cupboards etc

If you don’t want to leave your home but need to feel safer

You do not have to leave your home to get support to help you feel safer. There are many services that can help you to stay safe in your home. (Also see 'What Help is Available') Support workers are available to speak to.  There are many ways to help you to stay in your home and still help you to feel safe.

Safety items that may be available to keep you safe

You can stay in your home and receive legal protection. A support worker, police officer or solicitor could give you information about this.

It is your decision whether or not you tell people that you are experiencing or have experienced the abuse.  However if you feel you may be at risk, it might increase your safety if you tell family, friends, school, employer etc. Check they know how important it is to not give out any information to your ex-partner.  Taking to them beforehand also helps them to support you better in an emergency.

IMPORTANT - if you still feel really unsafe - you must leave.

If you are thinking of moving away to stay safe

You may feel the only way to get away from the abuse is to move town. There is help available if this is your only option. You may want to

If you have left your home

There are confidential sessions, email support, telephone support, one-to-one support, etc., available for any women or men experiencing abuse
HOWEVER ………. in an emergency always call 999